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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27009727">Moments Before</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hkl_129/pseuds/hkl_129'>hkl_129</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Complete, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:48:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,356</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27009727</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hkl_129/pseuds/hkl_129</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>She is doing the right thing. Right? This is the only way to ensure that she would be safe. But looking at them, it certainly didn’t feel like she was doing the right thing.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Moments Before</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>AN: There are a lot of discussion about how bad is JJ for lying to the team and faking Emily’s death, but I thought it would be nice to see it from her point of view. She took on a role that has huge responsibility and pressure, and I wanted to show that.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, CBS does.</strong>
</p><hr/><p>A shrill of her phone ringing broke her out of her trance watching the doctors work on Emily, she pulled it out of her pocket and answered, “Agent Jareau.”</p><p>“Agent Jareau, I heard you are dealing with an extremely delicate situation.” The voice of Secretary Jackson, who had personally requested her transfer months ago, passed through her phone.</p><p>“Yes, Madam Secretary. Agent Prentiss has lost a lot of blood, but the doctors are hopeful that she could survive.” She explained.</p><p>“And Doyle?” She questioned.</p><p>“He fled before we arrived. Looked like he left just moments before.” She told her.</p><p>After a few moments of silence, Secretary Jackson said, “You know what this means.”</p><p>Having a slight idea of where this conversation is heading, but not wanting to believe it, JJ said, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”</p><p>“Agent Prentiss cannot be safe until it’s done.” She responded simply.</p><p>JJ closed her eyes, willing the situation to be different, “Is there any other way we can avoid this?”</p><p>“I’m afraid not, you know that Doyle has a lot of connections, even some might be within the bureau.” She reminded her.</p><p>“Yes, Ma’am.” She sighed deeply, “Are you sure we can’t find another solution?”</p><p>“I’m afraid so.” She said crisply.</p><p>“What about the team? They should know.” She questioned.</p><p>“No.” She asserted, “You already know Doyle has them under surveillance.”</p><p>“Who else is going to know?” She asked.</p><p>“Just you and me.” She stopped, thinking for a moment before continuing, “At the moment.”</p><p>“At least let Agent Hotchner know, he is her unit chief.” She tried to negotiate.</p><p>“No, it would be too dangerous.” She said sharply.</p><p>“Please! He wouldn’t know the details, it would just be a failsafe.” She pleaded.</p><p>After a moment of silence on the other end, JJ heard her sigh, “Fine, but just the bare minimum, and only Agent Hotchner.”</p><p>“Yes Ma’am.” Quickly agreeing to that, slightly happy that she at least got that.</p><p>Secretary Jackson continued, “You’ll be heading her case, I’ll have an analyst and one other agent assigned to take this case with you. You can set up the details later.”</p><p>“Who are the agents?” She asked.</p><p>Shuffling through a file, she answered. “Ethan Williams and Christopher Jones.”</p><p>Furrowing her eyebrows, she asked to confirm, “Williams from Langley and Jones from State?”</p><p>“Yes.” She said.</p><p>Thinking, she tried once more, “Why can’t two of the team’s members take their place in this case?”</p><p>“Agent Jareau,” She started, “for one they are all under surveillance. And two, this is no longer just within the FBI. Because of Agent Prentiss’s affiliation with the CIA, it has become a Joint Taskforce.And three, this is not about finding Doyle, this case is only about keeping Agent Prentiss safe. I cannot stress this enough, is that clear?”</p><p>“Yes Ma’am, I understand.” She quickly said.</p><p>“You’ll receive the details on the agents soon and I’ll let you brief them and set up everything else. You should let Agent Hotchner know before the others. Good luck.” She reasserted.</p><p>“I will, Ma’am. Thank you.” She answered, before the call went dead.</p><p>Closing her eyes and taking a moment to compose herself before doing the inevitable, she felt as if a large weight has suddenly been dumped on her shoulders. Not only is the life of her best friend in her hands now, she had to deceive and hurt the very people she knew and love like family.</p><p>But this is life or death, her best friend’s life hangs in the balance, and she cannot afford anything that could harm her any further, even if it meant hurting others in the process.</p><p>This is the only way, and there are no room for mistakes. None.</p><hr/><p>She dropped to the ground as she sent the text to Hotch, asking him to meet her alone. The weight of this situation finally weighing on her. Usually, Hotch as their Unit Chief, would be the one in her position, taking care of all the medical needs whenever anyone on the team is hurt. But this time, because she was Emily’s emergency contact, adding on the fact of her position at the Pentagon, she is the one taking care of all the medical details.</p><p>Seeing Hotch approach her, she stood up and started, “Hotch…”</p><p>He looked down, sadness quickly clouding his eyes, “She’s not doing well?”</p><p>“No!” She quickly stopped his bad train of thought, “No, the doctors are hopeful she can pull through. But…” She struggled to find the words to tell him what was going to happen with Emily.</p><p>“But?” He gently prodded her, “If Emily is going to be fine, then what’s wrong?”</p><p>“She is being relocated.” She blurted out, glancing at his face to gauge his reaction.</p><p>“W…what?” He stuttered out.</p><p>She took a deep breath, looked directly into his eyes, and said, “She will die, and then relocated.”</p><p>Confused, he looked at her and said, “I don’t… I don’t understand.”</p><p>“I’m tasked with taking care of it, and you can only know that. I’m sorry. It’s for your own protection. I’m sorry, I really am. But I have to do this.” Guilt already starting to eat her up inside.</p><p>He pursed his lips, and asked, “Is this because Doyle is still out?”</p><p>“Yes.” She answered simply, not really wanting to go against orders.</p><p>“Why are you only telling me this?” He asked.</p><p>She sighed, “I can only go so far, you are the only one allowed to know.”</p><p>Glancing towards the direction of the team, he prodded gently. “What about the team? We can all help.”</p><p>“I know that, but they can’t know.” Seeing he was about to push her, she supplemented, “It’s for all of your protection.”</p><p>He looked at the floor, resigned, “It’s done already, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Yes.” She said simply.</p><p>He sighed, “Okay, I understand the reason behind it, but I also don’t want to hide this from the team, and you can’t take all that responsibility by yourself.”</p><p>“I can handle it.” She assured, though she isn’t quite sure herself. “I don’t like it either, but it’s the only option.”</p><p>Not knowing how to answer to that, he said simply, “Okay.”</p><p>“Go back to them.” She nodded in the waiting room’s direction, “I’ll come in a few minutes to deliver the news.”</p><hr/><p>JJ gathered herself and walked slowly to the waiting room where the rest of the team are, she hated that she had to do this, and tears welled up in her eyes as she uttered the words that shattered their hearts, “She never made it off the table.”</p><p>She looked at ever single one of them as she said those words, the expressions on their faces, their pain, their agony.</p><p>Morgan’s despair, Reid’s silent tears, Garcia’s sob, Seaver’s sorrow, Rossi’s grief, and Hotch’s lowered gaze. All of their heartache caused by her simple words.</p><p>She had the power to take all that away, but she couldn’t, she wouldn’t. Not while it is life or death. Her life is more important than their grief, she tried to convince herself.</p><p>But is it? It certainly doesn’t look like it.</p><p>And it shattered her heart into millions of pieces to see them hurt, to see the way her words had hurt them.</p><p>She realised she had just crossed a line that she couldn’t turn back from, and she just hurt her family in the worst way possible. She had broken their trust, and she knows they might never forgive her for it.</p><p>Never forgive her for causing them so much pain, so much anguish.</p><p>She knows she didn’t have a choice, and that she was doing the right thing. But looking at them, it certainly didn’t feel like she was doing the right thing.</p>
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